OCD - #10076

Hello, I hope you’re doing well. I’ve been dealing with OCD for about 4–5 years. It started after I bought a new chair that was uncomfortable, and I created “markers” to help me sit in a way that felt okay. Over time, my OCD expanded to include how my mouse, mousepad, keyboard, and posture are arranged. Outside of sitting at the computer, I don’t notice OCD symptoms. I have never sought professional help before; I mostly read articles and forums online and asked ChatGPT about it. After years of trying to convince myself that my OCD thoughts and behaviors were irrational, I gradually made progress by removing these “markers” one by one. A turning point for me was realizing that my OCD was originally a form of protection but had become the thing I needed protection from. After that, I stopped doing most of my compulsions. Since then, no new compulsions have appeared, and I catch myself when OCD tries to trick me — but I don’t act on it. However, now I feel stuck. I don’t want to do compulsions anymore, but I also can’t relax or move freely. I feel tense, like a soldier afraid to move. But at the same time, I have, for the first time in years, a sense of confidence that I’m beating OCD. I think what I’m experiencing now isn’t really OCD, but a habit — my body doesn’t know how to behave anymore. But I can’t or won’t force myself to change. I’m not sure how to proceed with ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention). Should I force myself to sit “incorrectly,” even if it feels uncomfortable? Or should I do it gradually, even though I’ve always thought gradual changes are a kind of weakness or self-deception? Also, I’ve noticed pain around my shoulder blade (possibly rhomboid muscles) when I sit in ways OCD doesn’t like. I think this might be psychosomatic pain caused by OCD, but I’m not sure. This confusion makes me afraid to move forward. If I feel pain again, how can I tell if it’s OCD or real physical pain? What should I do? Thank you very much for your time and help.